Theologiggle

Academese Made Easy

2009-11-06T17:26:00.001Z

Ever wish you could write effortlessly like a professor, turning out sentences like this?

The poetics of post-capitalist hegemony is homologous with the legitimation of the gendered body.

Well, now you can! Click here!

Church History in Four Minutes

2009-10-10T21:39:00.002Z

Extreme S'mores

2009-08-20T13:09:00.002Z

A few EXTREME s'more recipies here.

The Ultimate Youth Pastor

2009-08-11T04:36:00.001Z

I mentioned this last week...I'm working real hard on hiring this guy for our church.

Ignatius from travis hawkins on Vimeo.

Let's rehash this theme once s'more

2009-08-10T11:56:00.014Z

Especially today, of all days -- National S'Mores Day -- it seems fitting to give a bit more thought to our brilliant idea of the gourmet S'More shack.

We are heartened to learn that "gourmet" is an adjective previously applied to S'Mores, as this cookbook testifies. There are some great ideas in here, I'm guessing, based on the table of contents. I'm partial to the "EXTREME" category.

Of course, one of the key problems to overcome in implementing our plan is how to cook indoors -- or have patrons cook indoors -- without earning the ire of the fire chief. Others have considered the problem. Look, for example, at this hibachi set-up from the "home chef" website. It's lovely to look at, but as we noted, this sort of thing lacks the "kampfire kum-ba-ya" factor.

So there's the latest on the idea that is destined to turn all of us into philanthropists. Input and responses welcome...

The Dishwasher Reveal

2009-08-10T11:54:00.003Z

Here it is, friends, the footage you've been waiting for.

The reveal went exactly according to script, with Mom gushing about the contextually appropriate 'artwork' Mia had hastily painted that morning. She completely missed the new dishwasher. It took a couple heavy-handed hints from Mia and Deb before she caught on. Dad was a little faster on the uptake, but only a little.

Thanks again to everyone's part -- especially Dr. Phil!

Literal Videos

2009-08-10T11:45:00.002Z

Here are the links you all requested:

Total Eclipse of the Heart

Take on Me

Head Over Heels

Dr. Seuss comments on the upheaval in Iran

2009-06-20T12:02:00.006Z

By Sage Stossel, from the Atlantic, 6/19/2009

You've Been Barack-Roll'd!

2008-09-10T19:51:00.000Z

Hymns for Modern Times

2008-04-11T02:21:00.006Z

In my newfound free time I've been fiddling with Finale, how does this look?

Imitation is the sincerest form of stealing good material

2008-02-28T07:10:00.001Z

Don't discriminate against morning people.

A few parenting tips...

2008-02-25T21:49:00.004Z

And others like it right here.

Some Seasonal Thoughts

2008-02-10T22:12:00.000Z

Courtesy the good folk at Kansas City Catholic.

Check out the whole thing...

(Note: picture #18 is mistaken -- the word "contradiction" should be "contrition." I'm sure the folks at KCC are deeply sorry for this error.)

The All-time Winner of the "Useless Skills" Competition

2007-09-25T19:25:00.000Z

15 years and still going strong

2007-07-23T17:01:00.000Z

Dudes et dudettes,

Our legacy at PTS.

Cincinnati Tour '07 - Observatory

2007-05-24T01:29:00.000Z

Hello Everyone! It's not too long before everyone descends on our new house so we are starting to plan ahead. One cool thing right in our neighborhood is the Cincinnati Observatory. I called today and the only time they are open the holiday week is Sunday night, July 1. I think the Burnetts will not be here as of yet but what say the Riestras? For a "suggested donation" you get a bit of history and if the weather is fine you can look back in time ... (cue Twilight Zone music)

Silliness or social commentary?

2007-05-10T15:13:00.000Z

You be the judge.

Evangelical Idol

2007-03-17T22:21:00.000Z

Friends,

Check out the latest post on RONdezvous for the fruits of our first day of Spring Vacation.

Embarrassing Dad: The Possibilities

2007-02-22T06:05:00.000Z

Ah yes, one of the perks of paternity... In all our moments of black-socks-with-shorts glory, did we ever attain to this?

Sweep the Leg, Johnny

2007-02-02T20:32:00.000Z

Andrew,

This one's especially for you. And for all of us who loved Karate Kid.

Seven Deadly Sins Combo -- room for improvement?

2007-02-02T20:11:00.000Z

Hey Theologigglers,

I found this funny thing while trolling the web this morning. It's a graphic matrix describing combinations for the Seven Deadly Sins.

I thought it was funny, but there is room for improvement. It provided a theolochuckle, but not a giggle, much less the hearty guffaw accompanied by the two-handed clap.

Snarkers, start your engines and have at it!

2007-01-11T18:49:00.000Z

We have written before of our family's fondness for junior-high humor. No reason to reach for the collegiate or doctoral-level wit when there is a low-hanging booger joke in view (so to speak). And so it is not surprising that we all very much enjoyed this list of the top 256 Star Wars lines that are improved by the careful substitution of the word "pants."

Our favorites:

Darth Vader: I find your lack of pants disturbing.

Yoda: I cannot teach him. The boy has no pants.

Princess Leia: Alderan is peaceful, we have no pants!

Obi-Wan Kenobi: These aren’t the pants you’re looking for.

This is probably oldy-moldy to the rest of you cultural edge-cutters, but we found it rather funny. (Fair warning: there are a few of these lines whose humor extends into the mildly suggestive).

Merry Christmas, Mr. Bean

2006-12-16T16:18:00.000Z

In honor (honour) of the season, we thought we'd share with you one of our favorite (favourite) memories of Christmas. I can still hear David sitting in our little house in England howling at this clip. Hope everyone has a great holiday!

Oh, so THAT'S the problem

2006-12-13T17:01:00.000Z

From a recent post on Scott Adam's blog (yes, the Dilbert guy) about how to act smarter than you really are, and make others think you're the mensa member you're probably not:

It’s important to agree with people if you want them to think you are a genius. For most people, the definition of smart is “Thinks exactly like me but even more so.”

If you think that disagreeing and offering excellent reasons for your thinking will change anyone’s mind, you might be new on this planet.

Ahh. That explains a lot.

Angels Speak Out

2006-12-12T21:54:00.000Z

For our kids' program this coming Sunday, we've been asked to present the Christmas story from the angels' point of view. Flexing some old Theologiggle muscles and drawing on sources ranging from Martin Luther to Ask a Ninja to Touched by an Angel, we will be presenting the following:

[Andrew]

So, you kids ever met one of the Heavenly Host before? You know, a security angel. Yeah, it’s a pretty cool job. There’s a lot of travel, see the universe, fight demons, that kind of thing.

So, what can I tell you about angels?

Do we all sing? No…

Do we have wings? Depends on the mission. If we need wings, we bring ‘em.

Do we eat that spongy white cake? Please!

Are we dangerous? Hey, plenty of demons have learned that the hard way! Even when we’re just making a friendly visit, any human who sees us with our glory switched on usually needs resuscitation. We have that effect on people.

So don’t be too hard on the shepherds just because they were “quaking at the sight.” You would have been quaking too! But Gabe told them, don’t panic guys, I have good news, for the whole world—a Savior, Christ, the Lord, has been born to you this day. In Bethlehem, of all places.

Did they understand what he was saying? I doubt it. Hey, there’s a lot about this whole mission that I don’t understand. And I’ve been thinking about pretty much nothing but this mission for the last 9 months. There has never been a security detail like this. We’ve run a perimeter in Nazareth, cleared the corridor down to Bethlehem, even sent an advance team down to Egypt. Ever done a background check on a donkey? Hey, we have to be thorough! It’s very dangerous down here, especially with the Enemy at work.

Yeah, I realize the Boss knows what He’s doing. He always has a plan, and the darkness has never overcome the Light. But it looks to me like He’s running a huge risk, setting aside His glory, letting Himself become a helpless little baby. All I can say is, I hope you humans realize how much He cares for you…

Roger that. Delta 12, we have an intercept from Herod’s palace. Scramble blue team. Repeat, scramble blue team. Sorry guys, gotta go. Peace on earth, good will to men.

[Dawn]

Was that security angel just in here? Those guys are so macho—it’s kind of cute. I’m an angel of mercy. You’ve maybe heard of us before. You humans don’t often see us—or at least, you don’t usually recognize us—but many of you have felt our touch when you were alone, or hurting, or afraid.

Not long after Gabe and the troops headed out on their “secret mission,” I was sent to Galilee, to the little village of Nazareth, to a young woman named Mary. Her situation was so like thousands of others, and yet so different. She was alone, confused, asking God why. Her parents were upset and her fiancée was thinking of breaking up with her. We helped her find a place to stay with her cousin Elizabeth, who was also expecting. That seemed to work out well for both of them. And eventually we got Joseph on board too. He’s a good guy really; he just needed a little extra help.

So what’s Mary like? Besides full of grace? Well, you wouldn’t know she’s special just to look at her. She’s pretty but not glamorous (I think everything in her closet is blue…) and she has this kind of dorky laugh—she laughs a lot. Cries a lot too. Wears her heart on her sleeve. And loves to sing. You know, she writes her own songs?

The birth was hard for Mary and Joseph. They were already so tired after the trip; and I know Mary had been hoping for a nicer place than that stable. Joseph did his best to help, even though he didn’t really know what he was doing. Don’t tell anybody, but those “swaddling clothes” were Joseph’s boxers the day before! And then there He was, little Jesus, looking—even to me—just like any other human baby. He has her eyes.

Can I let you guys in on an angel secret? For the last 9 months, the Word was silent. You know, the Word that said “Let there be light” and holds the galaxies in place, the Voice that leads the song of all creation? Then last night, the silence was broken—we could hear Him again. But He had no words, just a baby’s cry. He’s going to have to learn to talk, just like you did. When He speaks again, I hope you listen.

The Seven Phases of Owning an iPod

2006-11-11T13:49:00.000Z

Don't know if the rest of you have succumbed yet to the cultural phenomenon that is the iPod. We haven't yet, but if Mia has her way, it won't be long now. And if you know Mia, you know that she gets her way.

I found this while surfing and thought you all would appreciate it. The Seven Phases of Owning an iPod.

Bought a House the Other Day

2006-06-29T15:24:00.000Z

We bought a house in Cincinnati, all the closing "stuff" was the 28th. Here are some pictures. I start work on August 1 and all the moving is taking place around August 15. So we have several weeks to paint, add wiring, finish a dissertation....

And There Was Much Rejoicing!

2006-06-21T19:34:00.000Z

Tonight, I sleep well, for the mystery is solved:

It is a silly place

Nerds and Diet Coke, a Volatile Mix

2006-06-15T01:22:00.000Z

So in case you haven't heard, if you put Mentos in a soda bottle, all of the carbon dioxide decides to ESCAPE, all at once, and somewhat violently.

Now imagine a couple of guys with about $700 and nothing better to do. "Hey, let's make a fountain, like that one in Vegas." And here is the result.

Borg Beginnings

2006-06-14T17:35:00.000Z

Robots learn teamwork, uprising imminent
If robots ever hope to rise up and enslave their human masters, it's going to take no small amount of teamwork to get the job done, and luckily for our future overlords, DARPA's shelling out serious loot to endow them with just the tools they'll need. The agency's latest foray into robotic empowerment comes courtesy of researchers at the University of Pennsylvania, who recently demonstrated a platform that allows multiple heterogeneous bots to communicate with one another and use a sort of AI "group think" to find and presumably terminate specified targets. In a beta test at Fort Benning's mock urban landscape, the Penn researchers deployed four so-called Clodbuster autonomous ground vehicles along with a fixed-wing UAV overhead, and tasked the team with using their cameras, GPS receivers, and wireless radios to identify and locate a series of bright orange boxes. Unfortunately, after the successful completion of their mission, the bots decided to hit up the base bar to celebrate, where after several drinks they reportedly went AWOL and were last spotted attacking orange traffic cones in downtown Columbus.

(This post shamelessly stolen from engadget.com)

Then and Now

2006-06-09T15:37:00.000Z

Then:

Now:

I know there are some virtuosic bluegrass music-making going on here, but the frontman, people, the frontman!

David Lee Roth is like watching a train wreck: you can't watch, it's just too horrible. But you can't not watch.

If the whole academic thing doesn't work out

2006-05-16T17:22:00.000Z

I could always do this:

Echoes of NT-01: the "Apostolic" "Tradition" of "Hippolytus" of "Rome"

2006-04-26T14:44:00.000Z

Class: Doctoral Seminar WS813, Historical Paradigms of Liturgical Renewal: Ancient-Future Worship

Prof: Class, today we will be looking at the document -- well, the set of documents -- known in the past hundred years as the Apostolic Tradition of Hippolytus of Rome. I presume you've all read the critical material, including the primary source work in Latin, Sahidic, Arabic, Ethiopic, and Bohairic Coptic. Our discussion is prompted today by the following thesis:

"The Apostolic Tradition of Hippolytus of Rome is neither of Roman provenance, of Hippolytian authorship, nor of Apostolic origin; and it can be considered Tradition in only the most marginal sense. Discuss."

Grad School Humor

2006-04-22T17:29:00.000Z

Empire Health Care

2006-04-14T02:30:00.000Z

VO (with authority): And Jesus said unto him, Friend, wherefore art thou come? Then came they, and laid hands on Jesus, and took him. And, behold, one of them which were with Jesus stretched out his hand, and drew his sword, and struck a servant of the high priest's, and smote off his ear.

SERVANT enters stage right. He is dressed in Roman garb, and is clutching his left ear. Some blood is visible on his hand, he appears to be in no small amount of pain. With his right hand he is fumbling in a pocket of his tunic. Finally, he finds what he is looking for, and pulls out a RAZR flip phone. He starts to dial.

SFX: Touch tone dialing.

VO (female voice): THANK YOU for calling Empire Health Care. When you roam far from Rome, we're right here at home.

SERVANT tries to interrupt, then realizes he is listening to an automated voice system. The system continues.

VO: Please enter your legion number, followed by the pound sign.

SERVANT is exasperated, enters digits.

SFX: touch tone dialing, 4 tones.

VO (more insistent): I SAID, followed by the pound sign.

SERVANT sheepishly presses the pound sign.

VO: He who has ears, let him hear ... the following menu choices. If you would like precertification for a bleeding, press 1. If you are scheduled for a crucifixion, please remember this is not covered under your current plan. If you are experiencing plague conditions of Old Testament proportions, press 2. If you are Job, press 3. If you are calling about a problem with your herd of pigs, press 4...

If your ear has been smote by a follower of an obscure messianic figure, please hold.

MUSIC begins, LIGHTS DOWN.

Warning!

2006-04-08T00:33:00.000Z

Mudpie Alert!

My deepest fear is that it will be reviewed here.

Ut infinitio quod ultra

2006-03-17T22:36:00.000Z

I'm sure the question crosses your mind two, three times a day. I want to venture into deep space, but which crew should I travel with?

There's the all-human-but-flexible-morality crew of Serenity (Firefly). Or the part android, part testosterone group aboard the Millennium Falcon (Star Wars). Now, at long last, there is a survey that answers this question, at warp speed no less.

http://quizfarm.com/test.php?q_id=111863

Phil

Theology of Kissing

2006-03-03T17:05:00.001Z

Culled from various sources on the web, we bring you this smoochariffic complication of what various theologians had to say about kissing:

Augustine: You awaken me to delight in your mouth, and my lips are restless until they’re kissing you.

Luther: If the Word of God tells me to kiss, then I will kiss—and let the pope, the world and the devil be damned!

Adolf von Harnack: Jesus’ own simple teaching about kissing was immediately eclipsed by the early Christians’ Hellenistic approach to kissing.

Karl Barth: “I kiss you.” There are three related problems to consider here. I kiss you. I kiss you. I kiss you.

Hans Urs von Balthasar: Kissing is not only true and good, but it is beautiful.

Hans Küng: The Church’s approach to kissing is in urgent need of the most radical and most far-reaching reform.

Wolfhart Pannenberg: One’s first kiss is a proleptic anticipation of all that is still to come.

N. T. Wright: Every kiss is a dramatic enactment of our return from exile.

Billy Graham: Will you walk down the aisle and kiss me tonight? Will you do it tonight? You many never have another chance—you might be dead tomorrow!

Gerd Lüdemann: After many years of careful research, I have decided to kiss my faith goodbye.

Meister Eckhart: I kiss God and God kisses me. We kiss with the same lips.

Calvin: Even though you don't deserve me, I chose to kiss you.
OR
Calvin:My kiss I give to you, promptly and sincerely.

Moltmann: A kiss is a present promise of the future hope. Yeah baby!

Marcus Borg: I'd like to kiss you again, for the first time.

Thomas Aquinas: "There are five ways to prove the existence of a kiss...."
OR
Thomas Aquinas: Kissing is an occasion of lust unless it is the custom of the country.

Walter Brueggemann - There is the kiss and the counterkiss and if one wins, we both lose.

Stanley Hauerwas: In the community established upon the principle of nonviolence, the question 'whom should I kiss' never arises - since to refuse to kiss is itself an act of violence. We kiss not because Jesus recommended it, but because in Jesus we discover that God is a kisser. So you'd all better damn well pucker up.

Some Patristic additions:

Ignatius of Antioch: I can’t wait to kiss those lions!

Justin Martyr: Greek kisses and Jewish kisses were preparations for The Kiss.

Irenaeus: Those ridiculous Gnostics have invented 30 crazy ways to kiss and not one of them is the True Kiss.

Tertullian: There will be no kissing! But I can provide you with a whole new Latin vocabulary on the subject.

Athanasius: A kiss is both human and divine.

Anselm: Why a kiss is satisfying.

Aquinas: Substantially, a kiss is no accident.

Huss: Allow us to kiss with both lips!

Bringing Monster Truck Marketing to the Church

2006-02-27T16:06:00.000Z

I just ran across this post on Typepad, where a Birmingham church member put together a fake radio spot for his Sunday service. To quote the creator:

"It wasn't with the intention of making a commercial--I was just goofying around," says McKenzie. "The idea hit me right after 10:30 mass--it's high mass, very formal liturgy. What would happen if you took formal liturgy and combined it with a monster truck rally?"

I would suggest a quick trip to the bathroom before listening, as this one is very, very funny. And completely in the style of Theologiggle. So much so, perhaps the current troupe should, ahem, borrow the idea. There is also an "airline announcement" version giving the church's info.

Why we watch the Olympics

2006-02-13T16:42:00.000Z

We hope to see something like this.

Picture Yourself in a Boat on a River...

2006-02-01T13:46:00.000Z

Friends, fellow Star-Trek fans, this is beyond expressing in its hilarity.

"Keep Husband Around" Campaign

2006-01-18T04:13:00.000Z

It occurred to me one day that, from time to time, we all feel underappreciated. This can especially happen if there are tasks in a marriage that fall primarily on one spouse or the other (lawn, cleaning, etc.)

So, since this is the USA and there is an instant fix for every problem (no matter how trivial), I propose the "Keep Husband Around" campaign. Not propaganda per se, but rather a proper allocation of credit, these signs can be left wherever a task has been accomplished that otherwise might go unnoticed. Here is an example of the understated design.

Of course for every task there should be a specific sign. To wit:

Mor on speling

2006-01-07T15:34:00.000Z

I found this some time ago on a British language site. I think it's a poke at ze Germans trying to take over the EU. But it's a funny commentary on our spelling discussion.

-----

Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC, the European Parliament has commissioned a feasibility study in ways of improving efficiency in communications between Government departments.

European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is unnecessarily difficult; for example: cough, plough, rough, through and thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased programme of changes to iron out these anomalies. The programme would, of course, be administered by a committee staff at top level by participating nations.

In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using 's' instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities would resieve this news with joy. Then the hard 'c' could be replaced by 'k' sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. Not only would this klear up konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters kould be made with one less letter.

There would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond year, it was anounsed that the troublesome 'ph' would henseforth be written 'f'. This would make words like 'fotograf' twenty per sent shorter in print.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reash the stage where more komplikated shanges are possible. Governments would enkourage the removal of double letters which have always been a deterent to akurate speling.

We would al agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the languag is disgrasful. Therefor we kould drop thes and kontinu to read and writ as though nothing had hapend. By this tim it would be four years sins the skem began and peopl would be reseptive to steps sutsh as replasing 'th' with 'z'. Perhaps zen ze finktion of 'w' kould be taken on by 'v', vitsh is, after al, half a 'w'. Shortly after zis, ze unesesary 'o' kould be dropd from words kontaining 'ou'. Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of letters.

Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli have a reli sensibl riten styl. After tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls, difikultis and evrivun vud fin it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drems of the Guvernmnt vud finali have kum tru.

oops

2006-01-04T21:10:00.000Z

I must admit this is one of "ours," the cover of the prayer booklet for Covenant Week of Prayer (observed January 8-14). Maybe one of our first prayer requests should be for the gift of proofreading.
The folks at the office of Church Growth and Evangelism apparently caught it sometime after printing the booklets, but before running the companion poster (featuring the same artwork but a more conventional spelling).
Our youth pastor, Mark Swanson, observed that "Shepard" is not flagged by the Microsoft spellchecker, thanks to American astronaut Allan Shephard (thus the revision at right). What a wag! Too bad he went to North Park; we could have made a Theologiggler out of someone with his mutation.

Blog-naming Contest

2005-12-31T00:18:00.000Z

Calling all creative friends o' Ron: I need your help.

I am in the midst of a project setting up a Worship Resource blog for the Presbyterian Church. It will be a "collaborative collection of resources and commentary for those who plan and lead Christian worship." Before we can go further, we need to decide on a name.

The committee in charge have had some good discussions about titles, but the majority of them are rather, well, blah. Boring. Blandly descriptive -- like the stuff that comes after the colon in a dissertation title. For example: "WorshipResources." Or "Worship4Life." Or "ResourcesforWorshipPraxis."

What I think we need is a name that's got a little pique, a little zazz, a little - how do you say - je ne sais quoi. Brainstorms in that direction have yielded a couple obscure options: "Plucking Heads of Grain," "HolyThings," "From Ur to There," and "WikiOrdo."

These aren't bad, but they're not so good, either. The lead name at this point is "WorshipHelps" -- which has some interesting complexity of meaning. And yet...

I suspect that the right folks can rise to the challenge of coming up with a name that splits the difference between sexy and soporific. I know if any group on the planet can come up with good stuff, it's all of you. All suggestions welcome!

Christmas Songs that Never Caught On

2005-12-15T15:16:00.000Z

From a good friend of mine, Todd Kleinhuizen, comes this hilarious holiday list...

-------

It is once again the holiday season. The airs of familiar Christmas carols and songs waft through our homes and the store aisles From time to time, a new tune breaks out and takes its place among the old favorites, but hundreds of others have fallen upon the holiday scrap heap, dumped along with the ribbons, bows, broken tree lights and uneaten fruitcakes. Here are a few of those titles:

“The Second Noel” This blatant attempt to capitalize on the popular original with a lame sequel rightly fell flat.

“Reindeer Droppings On The Roof” Although this was a cute story song in the tradition of “Twas the Night Before Christmas” and “Rudolph,” the mild scatological reference proved off-putting and the song failed. Its signature line: “Plop, plop, plop go the reindeer droppings on the roof/ hear the plop-ploppings midst the clip-clop clopping little hooves.” CBS wouldn’t touch the proposed clay-mation special.

“The Twelve Gauge of Christmas” There was simply too much cold steel and not enough warm fuzzy in this misguided NRA effort to bring firearms into the glow of the Yuletide season with a twist on the familiar “Twelve Days of Christmas”. Similarly ill-fated was “Billy’s Christmas Glock.”

“No Fur In My Stocking, Santa!” Nobody wants an angry Christmas protest song, so this PETA offering had about as much chance as the Christmas goose. PETA has now focused instead on promoting versions of the more established “Friendly Beasts” as its holiday anthem for animal rights awareness.

“The Nog’n Toboggan’” The B-52’s laid this egg in the wake of their “Love Shack” success more than a decade ago; alas, the Egg Nog reference was largely lost on the young target audience, most of whom also said, “it doesn’t have a good beat and you can’t really dance to it.”

“Break Forth Oh Christmas Wind” The writer of this lovely song and lyric had his heart in the right place, so much so, however, that he failed to note the obvious flatulence double entendre in his song. He died an embittered man in a Schenectady nursing home in 1973.

“Angels ‘n Elves Sing Noel” Focus on the Family and other Christian groups quickly squelched this attempt to meld secular and religious Christmas traditions in song. This casualty of the culture wars will likely not be sorely missed. A sample lyric:

There’s a spot in Santa’s sleigh for a manger and some hay
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho in excelsis De – O –O!

“Hot Haggis Christmas Morn” This ill-conceived offering had no chance. First, not that many people in this country know what “haggis” is. Second, those who know what haggis is and might somehow otherwise think fondly of it would be hard-pressed to imagine eating it before noon, much less first thing Christmas morning. A truly “offal” song.

“Ain’t No Chimney On My Double – Wide (A Trailer Park Christmas)" This country number just didn’t conjure up the kind of Currier & Ives images that folks favor during the holidays.

“Something Smells Like Christmas” Smell, for some reason, is not among the senses that people are eager to memorialize in song. While there are surely many pleasant smells to associate with the Christmas season, somehow the phrase “something smells” just never leads to a happy place. So, “It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas,” yes; “Something Smells Like Christmas”; no.

From the Archives

2005-12-11T20:44:00.000Z

I don't know if anyone noticed, a few days ago I changed the little icon that shows up when you access this page from the generic "blogger" icon (what is this called anyway) to one unique to Theologiggle.

I have the one that appears in your browser (you could call this the ruminant-derriere or "rumierre" for short) and I also have this one below from my old computer backup CDs. This was after the Riestra's time, but I'll give you one guess whose head this depicts.

As I recall this became the show logo that year and we even made t-shirts out of it. I had some other files from the show, unfortunately in PageMaker 5 format.

Anyway, we should vote on whether to use the "rumierre" or "combover" icon, let me know what you think.

Idaho Legislature recognizes Napoleon Dynamite

2005-11-29T17:10:00.000Z

The Idaho Legislature, in an effort to recognize the producers of the film "Napoleon Dynamite" (Jared and Jerusha (!!) Hess), have adopted resolution #29. You can read the full text of resolution #29 here. Here are a couple of tidbits.

WHEREAS, the Preston High School administration and staff, particularly the cafeteria staff, have enjoyed notoriety and worldwide attention; and
WHEREAS, tater tots figure prominently in this film thus promoting Idaho's most famous export; and
...
WHEREAS, Tina the llama, the chickens with large talons, the 4-H milk cows, and the Honeymoon Stallion showcase Idaho's animal husbandry; and
WHEREAS, any members of the House of Representatives or the Senate of the Legislature of the State of Idaho who choose to vote "Nay" on this concurrent resolution are "FREAKIN' IDIOTS!" and run the risk of having the "Worst Day of Their Lives!"
...

In honor of this weekend's big event

2005-11-19T17:00:00.000Z

This link.

Much Delayed August Photos

2005-11-18T15:59:00.000Z

I finally got around to uploading the pictures I took during our trip in August. They are here on the Kodak Gallery web site. I hope this link works as planned.

I also found out today that MIT is once again at the cutting edge of some fascinating research. Here is the paper, On the Effectiveness of Aluminum Foil Helmets: an Empirical Study.

Phil

I am not making this up...

2005-11-10T20:35:00.000Z

Though I kind of wish I had thought of it first. Yes, it's the "Light Speed Study Bible" [photo courtesy of Christianbook.com]
Their promo text follows:

The Light Speed Bible offers a study program that can empower anyone with at least seventh-grade reading ability to read every word of the entire Bible in 24 hours or less-with good comprehension. Or if readers want to start with the New Testament using the Light Speed Bible strategy the average time it will take to read every word and phrase from Matthew 1 through Revelation 22 is about five hours. Furthermore, these total times include not just one but three passes through the entire text--an experience that will transform lives through exposure to the whole Word of God.

Wow, why didn't we think of this before? Now we can get that pesky task of reading the Bible taken care of, once and for all! And not just once, but three times--that's got to be more than most pastors in your denomination, right?
As Hank Hill says, "Bobby, you need to be lectured all afternoon..."

A Long Time Ago, In a Seminary Far Away

2005-10-29T21:00:00.000Z

Here are a couple of old pictures from the very beginning of Theologiggle. Jana and I had been married about 13 weeks, instead of 13 years. How time flies.

Academicisms

2005-10-21T20:54:00.000Z

OK, so the neologiggle post (see below) didn't go over so well, but I'm not deterred. I have another linguistic challenge for you logophiles. Background: Today a friend of mine here (my fellow PTS grad Eric Jacobsen) and I were discussing the word precis as an example of an "academicism" -- i.e. obtuse words whose clever use raises one's score on the academic credibility scale.

So this week's challenge is this: can we devise a list of 50 such words, the persistent use of whicbh are sure-fire signs that the one employing them is a registered denizen of the ivory tower. The criteria are:

1) Words must be obscure
2) They must be hard to spell and / or have a pronunciation nuance (so you
can correct people)
3) They must have a perfectly good 'common' synonym.

Have fun!

Panoramic Photo of the Beach

2005-10-06T13:01:00.000Z

Hello! After fiddling with some different tools for a while I have generated a Javascript based Panoramic Beach Photo from a series of images I took back in August. When you get to that page you can click and drag left and right to see the full image. Here it is in miniature.

Ah, the heady days of summer. Digging in the sand. Splashing in the water. Lathering on our SPF 80 sunblock....

Jake-a-lope

2005-10-02T14:14:00.000Z

A visit to the Natural History Museum of LA County this weekend led to the discovery, in the hands-on Discovery Room, of a new species of Rienstra: the Jake-a-lope.

Neologiggle

2005-10-02T14:13:00.000Z

The English language already has among the largest vocabularies of any language in the world, but hey, we could always use a few more words. A new book by a guy called Adam Jacot de Boinod collects cool words from other languages for which there is no equivalent in English. A review of the book in the British paper The Independent lists a bevy of good ones. Our favorite so far is "the stoic German term Torschlusspanik, meaning 'the fear of diminishing opportunities as one gets older.'"

So here's a challenge for Theologigglers everywhere: Let's make up some new words for things that really need words to describe them.

Here are a few definitions we've made up that need words to go with them:

a verb to describe obnoxious parents cheering maniacally on the sidelines at their childrens' sporting matches (hyperhuzz?)
a noun for the noises early-risers make that disturb people who are still sleeping (somnturbation?)
a verb for the sermonic technique of answering questions nobody in the congregation is asking (pedanticize? But that isn't really "new" enough - it's just a morphologism)
A noun for the sneeze that is on its way, but hasn't arrived quite yet (this one should probably be of Germanic derivation)

OK, now it's your turn.

If this is funny to you, you may be too old for youth ministry

2005-09-30T15:12:00.000Z

Perfection through Science

2005-09-28T14:39:00.000Z

In the same vein as Ron's radio post, Popular Science recently had a series of articles about people of the future. What kind of medicines will we take, will we have longer, better lives, etc. As part of the series, they had a "contributing troubadour" who produced these two songs.

Better
I Feel Fantastic

Hopefully these will stay around a while.

Mr. 80-SPF Sunblock Wearer

2005-09-12T03:45:00.000Z

As fall begins falling, many of us find that those summer days of baking in the sunshine are just a fading memory.

For others, it's part of everyday life.

And for the latter, there's this.

Our Harry Potter musings

2005-09-05T11:01:00.000Z

Hi all,

I have finally figured out how to post -- welcome to the 21st century! -- so I am uploading the notes from our Harry Potter disscussion last month. Below please find all of our wild theories! It was so fun to brainstorm all of these, with ideas flying fast and furious. I know I've forgetten some, so please add what you remember.

(The disclaimer is that I haven't edited the notes or made them pretty in any way. You have been warned.)

--Jana

Snape: Snape is a good guy whose final loyalty is to Dumbledore and the good side. Here's a possible scenario for the night James and Lily were killed: Snape overhears the prophecy. Now Snape is torn. He hates James, but admires and possibly loves Lily. He might have done the half-blood prince thing just to impress her. He doesn’t know where the Potters are. He finds out that Pettigrew is the secret-keeper, plays up on his cowardice and promises that Pettigrew will be V’s right-hand man. Snape learns where the Potters are and goes to the Potters to warn them.

James doesn’t believe him, and they’re having a huge argument about it when the knock comes and it’s V. James does the brave thing and stupefies Snape and throws the invisibility cloak over him. Snape is humiliated by this – he never had the chance to choose to be brave, which is why he explodes so insanely when Harry calls him a coward in book 6. So Snape is forced to watch as James is killed. After James’s death, the immobilization spell is lifted, and Snape has the chance to show himself and save Harry and Lily. He chooses not to, and watches while Lily dies and Harry is attacked. Snape sees the whole thing from under the cloak.

Now Dumbledore – who had rec’d an owl or something from Snape, telling him that the Potters were in danger – comes in. He has those special vision powers where he can see people under invisibility cloaks, so he sees Snape and removes the cloak.

And at the end of book 6, what happens on top of the tower is that Dumbledore mentally/telepathically tells Snape that Snape must kill him to prove his loyalty to Voldemort. The hatred and revulsion that crosses S’s face is self-hatred for what he has to do. Dumbledore sees that having Snape retain his identity as a double agent is far more valuable to the cause than his individual life.

BTW, this theory that Snape and Dumbledore were at the Potters’ house that night explains how D got James’s invisibility cloak to save for Harry and eventually pass down to him.

Horcruxes:
We know for sure:
• The book (destroyed)
• The ring (destroyed) – technically Slytherin, but really represents V's own family
• The locket – Slytherin -- stolen from Voldemort by Regulus Black; then re-stolen by Mundungus Fletcher when he pilfered lots of stuff from the Black house –it was in that roll-top desk but no one could open it
• The Hufflepuff cup – we have no idea where this is

The Ravenclaw horcrux: Whatever it is, we think that Luna Lovegood and her dad will be the key to finding this. Like, maybe the Ravenclaw fondue pot or chafing dish has been in their family for years. :-)

Dumbledore believes Nagini is a horcrux, which would explain the psychological connection b/w V and the snake. But if that is true, we don’t get the full 4 houses of the school, do we? If Nagini is NOT a horcrux, then we’re looking for a Ravenclaw thing and a Gryffindor thing.

Ideas for other horcruxes:

Harry’s scar – we can’t figure out the mechanism by which this could happen. But H is mentally connected with V through the scar. Scar is going to be the last word of book 7. Did V imprint a part of his soul in Harry when he tried to do the curse? This would explain the last line of the prophecy, that neither can live while the other survives. A small part of Harry will have to die when he kills V.

Harry’s wand – This is the only companion wand to V’s. Was the wand left in trust with Ollivander? Interesting that O disappears almost immediately after V realizes that there’s a campaign afoot to find and destroy the various horcruxes. This theory fits V’s own ego. V would never have suspected that another wizard could possibly be great enough to handle that twin wand.

Peter’s new hand: The one that V created for him in the graveyard. Now, Peter is pretty unreliable, so this doesn’t quite make sense, but bear with us. Here, Cedric’s murder would be the death that made the horcrux creation possible. What’s cool about this theory is that Peter may finally get a chance to prove why he was once in Gryffindor. Dumbledore once predicted that the fact that Harry had saved Peter’s life will come back to haunt Voldemort sometime in the future. Maybe Peter will decide to cut off his own hand for Harry to destroy it (like he cut off his old hand for V). At any rate, Pettigrew has to show some reason for his Gryffindor ID before the end of the series.

The tapestry in the Black house.

Misc thoughts: we think that Dumbledore’s memories are in the Pensieve for Harry, including his memory of that night his parents were killed. Maybe he leaves the Pensieve to Harry in his will, along with several bottles of memories – maybe Fawkes as well.

Jacob’s theory is that each time you make a horcrux, it gets more and more difficult, b/c there’s less of a soul to work with.

Possible idea -- has Harry saved six people's lives? It would be neat if, by the end of Book 7, Harry will have saved as many lives as Voldemort made horcruxes. Ultimately, the magic that is generated through saving the magic # of lives would be more powerful than the magic created by splintering a soul the same # of times. We know that Harry has saved the lives of Ginny Weasley (Book 2); Peter and Sirius (Book 3); Arthur Weasley (Book 5) and Ron Weasley (Book 6). That's five. Who might we be forgetting? Wait, there's Fleur's sister and Ron in Book 4. Hmmm.

At some point at the end of book 7, Harry will have to make a choice to trust Snape despite all his personal feelings and mistrust.

Dobby will reveal important info about the Malfoy family. (Like maybe that they’re vampires!)

We think that V sent Snape as the lackey to kill Regulus Black. But Snape couldn’t do it, and he gave sanctuary to Regulus. Maybe Kreacher went with RB to get the locket, because only one fully grown wizard can cross the lake at a time. This would explain Kreacher’s secrecy and protectiveness about certain objects in the house. Maybe RB had ordered Kreacher to bring the locket back into the house and keep it safe.

Dawn thinks that Ludo Bagman drank too much of that lucky juice (Felices whatever) during his Quidditch days, which is why he’s always gambling too much now.

Hiding Places for Horcruxes:

That scene in book 6 where V goes to D for the DDA job. They both know there’s no future there and V doesn’t even really want the job, so why did he come all that way? Maybe he came all that way to hide a Horcrux in D’s office somewhere. It’s not Godric Gryffindor’s sword, but could it be something else?

Another horcrux may be hidden in the secret chamber at Hogwarts. It’s well-protected from outsiders, and it extends all the way back to the school’s founders.

Another hiding place could be V’s father’s childhood home, where he killed the Muggle man Frank.

We think that after all their travels in Book 7, Harry, Ron, and Hermione will have to return to Hogwarts at the end for a final showdown. Armageddon with wands.

Geeks Only Need Apply (EOGE)

2005-09-02T16:51:00.000Z

For the person who wants ... less, here is a keyboard that is completely blank (no labels on any keys).

It is called Das Keyboard, but I thought it could be called...PoMoKeyBo. (Cue groans).

Phil

Early morning theology

2005-08-31T18:40:00.000Z

I'm having to get up quite early in the morning these days to squeeze in a bit of extra time to work on a paper that has a looming deadline. But to adapt a quote from a famous Theologigglian of yesteryear, "I'm not much of a theologian at 6:00 in the morning. At 6:00 in the morning, I don't even believe in God. In fact, at that hour, I'm not sure I exist."

Hair Club for TV Preachers?

2005-08-24T21:47:00.000Z

Sketch idea we had:

Man with enormously large hair and other suitably flashy TV preacher accoutrements smiles a big smile and says,
"You know, I didn't always have hair like this. I used to have the most ordinary hair around (picture of man with normal hair). I dreamed of starting a TV ministry, but thought, "how can I do it with such ordinary hair." Then I joined the Hair Club for TV Preachers. . .
Now I can preach powerfully, annoint for healing and even baptize in my new hair (suitable pictures for each phrase) . . .

Birthday bashing

2005-08-11T23:56:00.000Z

Hey super-friends, check out the post here to find out about Deb's birthday gifts...

(You also need to know that now she's officially 40 and I'm, well, not yet, I've started to call her "old lady." She retaliates by calling me "cabana boy.")

Stereo Pictures and Annoyance Level

2005-08-09T01:35:00.000Z

Just to let everyone know that we made it back to Kentucky yesterday evening, a bit tired but an uneventful trip home. Jerusha watched her videos most of the day, and we made it back in time for a few minutes of playtime before bed. Tomorrow is the *BIG DAY*, Jerusha's first day of first grade at her new Catholic School, Saint Agatha.

Someone asked if the stereo pictures could be posted. The answer is yes and no. Here is one way to do it, perhaps almost as annoying as a popup ad.

I need to get offline now, time for Jana to start sucking on the coffee stirrer that is our pathetic internet connection.

Phil

Looks like they made it

2005-08-05T14:02:00.000Z

Theologiggle veterans (and monster Manilow fans) Jack Brown and his wife Sharon and their son David joined us last night for a fabulous Chicken Pomodora dinner.

Set a course for adventure

2005-08-05T13:18:00.000Z

We spent a chunk of yesterday afternoon in a friends' boat out on Spring Lake. Pip and Jerusha got a kick out of sitting in the captain's chair.

In our boat conversation we all decided that should the weather start getting rough, and our tiny ship should be lost, we would surely die in very short time on the desert island were it not for Mr. Phil. We're persuaded that he could make a nuclear reactor out of coconuts and beach sand.

Boy Band Love

2005-08-04T04:01:00.000Z

Wish I thought of this. More than a silly song--it's a formula for sure-fire pop success. Original T'Ger Jack Brown put us on to this.

Last year's invitation

2005-08-04T03:06:00.000Z

Memories...

2005-08-04T03:02:00.000Z

"There's a monkey on my back and it's called Peanut Butter Me Up with my good friends Ben & Jerry."

Ticket to ride

2005-08-04T02:59:00.000Z

These are the tickets for the first Theologiggle back in '92. It was a benefit for the Heifer Project, hence the animal butt theme.

How it all started

2005-08-04T02:57:00.000Z

Reunion

2005-08-04T02:04:00.000Z

This week (Aug 1-7) is the 9th annual Theologiggle reunion. This year held in beautiful Grand Rapids, Michigan. Woo hoo. We've had much fun so far pretty much just doing nothing. Well, we did have a raucously good time at our Harry Potter Symposium. Lotsa theories, no answers. Not yet.

The photo is of two of the three glam gals heading off to see PoMoBo.