Bringing Monster Truck Marketing to the Church

I just ran across this post on Typepad, where a Birmingham church member put together a fake radio spot for his Sunday service. To quote the creator:

"It wasn't with the intention of making a commercial--I was just goofying around," says McKenzie. "The idea hit me right after 10:30 mass--it's high mass, very formal liturgy. What would happen if you took formal liturgy and combined it with a monster truck rally?"

I would suggest a quick trip to the bathroom before listening, as this one is very, very funny. And completely in the style of Theologiggle. So much so, perhaps the current troupe should, ahem, borrow the idea. There is also an "airline announcement" version giving the church's info.

Why we watch the Olympics

We hope to see something like this.

Picture Yourself in a Boat on a River...

Friends, fellow Star-Trek fans, this is beyond expressing in its hilarity.

"Keep Husband Around" Campaign

It occurred to me one day that, from time to time, we all feel underappreciated. This can especially happen if there are tasks in a marriage that fall primarily on one spouse or the other (lawn, cleaning, etc.)

So, since this is the USA and there is an instant fix for every problem (no matter how trivial), I propose the "Keep Husband Around" campaign. Not propaganda per se, but rather a proper allocation of credit, these signs can be left wherever a task has been accomplished that otherwise might go unnoticed. Here is an example of the understated design.

Of course for every task there should be a specific sign. To wit:

• Another Item Fixed By...
• Another Item Cleaned By...
• Dinner Prepared By...
• Clothes Folded By...
• Full Tank Of Gas Courtesy Of...

Mor on speling

I found this some time ago on a British language site. I think it's a poke at ze Germans trying to take over the EU. But it's a funny commentary on our spelling discussion.

-----

Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC, the European Parliament has commissioned a feasibility study in ways of improving efficiency in communications between Government departments.

European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is unnecessarily difficult; for example: cough, plough, rough, through and thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased programme of changes to iron out these anomalies. The programme would, of course, be administered by a committee staff at top level by participating nations.

In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using 's' instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities would resieve this news with joy. Then the hard 'c' could be replaced by 'k' sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. Not only would this klear up konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters kould be made with one less letter.

There would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond year, it was anounsed that the troublesome 'ph' would henseforth be written 'f'. This would make words like 'fotograf' twenty per sent shorter in print.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reash the stage where more komplikated shanges are possible. Governments would enkourage the removal of double letters which have always been a deterent to akurate speling.

We would al agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the languag is disgrasful. Therefor we kould drop thes and kontinu to read and writ as though nothing had hapend. By this tim it would be four years sins the skem began and peopl would be reseptive to steps sutsh as replasing 'th' with 'z'. Perhaps zen ze finktion of 'w' kould be taken on by 'v', vitsh is, after al, half a 'w'. Shortly after zis, ze unesesary 'o' kould be dropd from words kontaining 'ou'. Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of letters.

Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli have a reli sensibl riten styl. After tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls, difikultis and evrivun vud fin it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drems of the Guvernmnt vud finali have kum tru.

oops

I must admit this is one of "ours," the cover of the prayer booklet for Covenant Week of Prayer (observed January 8-14). Maybe one of our first prayer requests should be for the gift of proofreading.
The folks at the office of Church Growth and Evangelism apparently caught it sometime after printing the booklets, but before running the companion poster (featuring the same artwork but a more conventional spelling).
Our youth pastor, Mark Swanson, observed that "Shepard" is not flagged by the Microsoft spellchecker, thanks to American astronaut Allan Shephard (thus the revision at right). What a wag! Too bad he went to North Park; we could have made a Theologiggler out of someone with his mutation.

Blog-naming Contest

Calling all creative friends o' Ron: I need your help.

I am in the midst of a project setting up a Worship Resource blog for the Presbyterian Church. It will be a "collaborative collection of resources and commentary for those who plan and lead Christian worship." Before we can go further, we need to decide on a name.

The committee in charge have had some good discussions about titles, but the majority of them are rather, well, blah. Boring. Blandly descriptive -- like the stuff that comes after the colon in a dissertation title. For example: "WorshipResources." Or "Worship4Life." Or "ResourcesforWorshipPraxis."

What I think we need is a name that's got a little pique, a little zazz, a little - how do you say - je ne sais quoi. Brainstorms in that direction have yielded a couple obscure options: "Plucking Heads of Grain," "HolyThings," "From Ur to There," and "WikiOrdo."

These aren't bad, but they're not so good, either. The lead name at this point is "WorshipHelps" -- which has some interesting complexity of meaning. And yet...

I suspect that the right folks can rise to the challenge of coming up with a name that splits the difference between sexy and soporific. I know if any group on the planet can come up with good stuff, it's all of you. All suggestions welcome!

Christmas Songs that Never Caught On

From a good friend of mine, Todd Kleinhuizen, comes this hilarious holiday list...

-------

It is once again the holiday season. The airs of familiar Christmas carols and songs waft through our homes and the store aisles From time to time, a new tune breaks out and takes its place among the old favorites, but hundreds of others have fallen upon the holiday scrap heap, dumped along with the ribbons, bows, broken tree lights and uneaten fruitcakes. Here are a few of those titles:


“The Second Noel” This blatant attempt to capitalize on the popular original with a lame sequel rightly fell flat.

“Reindeer Droppings On The Roof” Although this was a cute story song in the tradition of “Twas the Night Before Christmas” and “Rudolph,” the mild scatological reference proved off-putting and the song failed. Its signature line: “Plop, plop, plop go the reindeer droppings on the roof/ hear the plop-ploppings midst the clip-clop clopping little hooves.” CBS wouldn’t touch the proposed clay-mation special.

“The Twelve Gauge of Christmas” There was simply too much cold steel and not enough warm fuzzy in this misguided NRA effort to bring firearms into the glow of the Yuletide season with a twist on the familiar “Twelve Days of Christmas”. Similarly ill-fated was “Billy’s Christmas Glock.”

“No Fur In My Stocking, Santa!” Nobody wants an angry Christmas protest song, so this PETA offering had about as much chance as the Christmas goose. PETA has now focused instead on promoting versions of the more established “Friendly Beasts” as its holiday anthem for animal rights awareness.

“The Nog’n Toboggan’” The B-52’s laid this egg in the wake of their “Love Shack” success more than a decade ago; alas, the Egg Nog reference was largely lost on the young target audience, most of whom also said, “it doesn’t have a good beat and you can’t really dance to it.”

“Break Forth Oh Christmas Wind” The writer of this lovely song and lyric had his heart in the right place, so much so, however, that he failed to note the obvious flatulence double entendre in his song. He died an embittered man in a Schenectady nursing home in 1973.

“Angels ‘n Elves Sing Noel” Focus on the Family and other Christian groups quickly squelched this attempt to meld secular and religious Christmas traditions in song. This casualty of the culture wars will likely not be sorely missed. A sample lyric:

There’s a spot in Santa’s sleigh for a manger and some hay
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho in excelsis De – O –O!

“Hot Haggis Christmas Morn” This ill-conceived offering had no chance. First, not that many people in this country know what “haggis” is. Second, those who know what haggis is and might somehow otherwise think fondly of it would be hard-pressed to imagine eating it before noon, much less first thing Christmas morning. A truly “offal” song.

“Ain’t No Chimney On My Double – Wide (A Trailer Park Christmas)" This country number just didn’t conjure up the kind of Currier & Ives images that folks favor during the holidays.

“Something Smells Like Christmas” Smell, for some reason, is not among the senses that people are eager to memorialize in song. While there are surely many pleasant smells to associate with the Christmas season, somehow the phrase “something smells” just never leads to a happy place. So, “It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas,” yes; “Something Smells Like Christmas”; no.

From the Archives

I don't know if anyone noticed, a few days ago I changed the little icon that shows up when you access this page from the generic "blogger" icon (what is this called anyway) to one unique to Theologiggle.

I have the one that appears in your browser (you could call this the ruminant-derriere or "rumierre" for short) and I also have this one below from my old computer backup CDs. This was after the Riestra's time, but I'll give you one guess whose head this depicts.



As I recall this became the show logo that year and we even made t-shirts out of it. I had some other files from the show, unfortunately in PageMaker 5 format.

Anyway, we should vote on whether to use the "rumierre" or "combover" icon, let me know what you think.

Idaho Legislature recognizes Napoleon Dynamite

The Idaho Legislature, in an effort to recognize the producers of the film "Napoleon Dynamite" (Jared and Jerusha (!!) Hess), have adopted resolution #29. You can read the full text of resolution #29 here. Here are a couple of tidbits.

WHEREAS, the Preston High School administration and staff, particularly the cafeteria staff, have enjoyed notoriety and worldwide attention; and
WHEREAS, tater tots figure prominently in this film thus promoting Idaho's most famous export; and
...
WHEREAS, Tina the llama, the chickens with large talons, the 4-H milk cows, and the Honeymoon Stallion showcase Idaho's animal husbandry; and
WHEREAS, any members of the House of Representatives or the Senate of the Legislature of the State of Idaho who choose to vote "Nay" on this concurrent resolution are "FREAKIN' IDIOTS!" and run the risk of having the "Worst Day of Their Lives!"
...

In honor of this weekend's big event

This link.

Much Delayed August Photos

I finally got around to uploading the pictures I took during our trip in August. They are here on the Kodak Gallery web site. I hope this link works as planned.

I also found out today that MIT is once again at the cutting edge of some fascinating research. Here is the paper, On the Effectiveness of Aluminum Foil Helmets: an Empirical Study.

Phil

I am not making this up...

Though I kind of wish I had thought of it first. Yes, it's the "Light Speed Study Bible" [photo courtesy of Christianbook.com]
Their promo text follows:

The Light Speed Bible offers a study program that can empower anyone with at least seventh-grade reading ability to read every word of the entire Bible in 24 hours or less-with good comprehension. Or if readers want to start with the New Testament using the Light Speed Bible strategy the average time it will take to read every word and phrase from Matthew 1 through Revelation 22 is about five hours. Furthermore, these total times include not just one but three passes through the entire text--an experience that will transform lives through exposure to the whole Word of God.

Wow, why didn't we think of this before? Now we can get that pesky task of reading the Bible taken care of, once and for all! And not just once, but three times--that's got to be more than most pastors in your denomination, right?
As Hank Hill says, "Bobby, you need to be lectured all afternoon..."

A Long Time Ago, In a Seminary Far Away

Here are a couple of old pictures from the very beginning of Theologiggle. Jana and I had been married about 13 weeks, instead of 13 years. How time flies.

Academicisms

OK, so the neologiggle post (see below) didn't go over so well, but I'm not deterred. I have another linguistic challenge for you logophiles. Background: Today a friend of mine here (my fellow PTS grad Eric Jacobsen) and I were discussing the word precis as an example of an "academicism" -- i.e. obtuse words whose clever use raises one's score on the academic credibility scale.

So this week's challenge is this: can we devise a list of 50 such words, the persistent use of whicbh are sure-fire signs that the one employing them is a registered denizen of the ivory tower. The criteria are:

1) Words must be obscure
2) They must be hard to spell and / or have a pronunciation nuance (so you
can correct people)
3) They must have a perfectly good 'common' synonym.

Have fun!

Panoramic Photo of the Beach

Hello! After fiddling with some different tools for a while I have generated a Javascript based Panoramic Beach Photo from a series of images I took back in August. When you get to that page you can click and drag left and right to see the full image. Here it is in miniature.



Ah, the heady days of summer. Digging in the sand. Splashing in the water. Lathering on our SPF 80 sunblock....

Jake-a-lope

A visit to the Natural History Museum of LA County this weekend led to the discovery, in the hands-on Discovery Room, of a new species of Rienstra: the Jake-a-lope.

Neologiggle

The English language already has among the largest vocabularies of any language in the world, but hey, we could always use a few more words. A new book by a guy called Adam Jacot de Boinod collects cool words from other languages for which there is no equivalent in English. A review of the book in the British paper The Independent lists a bevy of good ones. Our favorite so far is "the stoic German term Torschlusspanik, meaning 'the fear of diminishing opportunities as one gets older.'"

So here's a challenge for Theologigglers everywhere: Let's make up some new words for things that really need words to describe them.

Here are a few definitions we've made up that need words to go with them:

• a verb to describe obnoxious parents cheering maniacally on the sidelines at their childrens' sporting matches (hyperhuzz?)
  
• a noun for the noises early-risers make that disturb people who are still sleeping (somnturbation?)
  
• a verb for the sermonic technique of answering questions nobody in the congregation is asking (pedanticize? But that isn't really "new" enough - it's just a morphologism)
  
• A noun for the sneeze that is on its way, but hasn't arrived quite yet (this one should probably be of Germanic derivation)

OK, now it's your turn.

If this is funny to you, you may be too old for youth ministry

Perfection through Science

In the same vein as Ron's radio post, Popular Science recently had a series of articles about people of the future. What kind of medicines will we take, will we have longer, better lives, etc. As part of the series, they had a "contributing troubadour" who produced these two songs.

Better
I Feel Fantastic

Hopefully these will stay around a while.